How much of your spirit will you hand off to grasp for an intellectual understanding of safety and security? Will you relinquish all creativity? Imagination? Peace? Joy?
The thing about this idea of safety and security, this mentally constructed idea, is just that … it is an IDEA.
What does it mean to BE reasonably safe and secure? What are my beliefs? Do these beliefs augment or undermine a state of peace? Do these beliefs bring any real or lasting pleasure? Or, are they a lollipop?
A lollipop is beautiful. The quandary of the lollipop is it is only for a moment. As soon as we remove the wrapper it fades away until we are left with only a stick. A memory. A memory of what we believed would bring real and lasting pleasure.
Years ago I would have told you a “lollipop” was a preposterous attempt at explaining my fragile belief system. Honestly, I would have stood on a mountain and proclaimed your insanity. Today I am a believer.
I have lived most of this life in the realm of the material, the external, the lollipops, the false hope, and the desperate search to solidify my place in the land of mental comfort. The mind has not once permitted admission without a price. Oblivious to the price of this illusion, I fearlessly searched the material world. I eagerly handed off pieces of my spirit which held no value in my greedy tired eyes. I desperately attempted to console my insecure person within people, places, things, and ideas in the hope that one day they would be enough. To my consternation, I was always left holding the stick. A frail attempt at satisfaction.
Finally, I noticed. I witnessed these absurd experiences with my own two eyes and began to believe they were not happening TO me. I was happening to them. More importantly … my beliefs, the beliefs I was raised with, were creating an unsatisfied monster that my mind could not tame. I was the child screaming for just one more lollipop. Please!
I was not safe. I was not secure. Why?
It occurred to me – there was a possibility that the beliefs I grew up with, the ones that served my parents and teachers, may not be serving me. I was perplexed. How could I have been so misled?
This “hand me down” belief system appeared out of thin air. I believed that going along with the crowd, snuffing out my truth, being what others wanted me to be, strategically planning every moment of my life, presenting my carefully constructed stage character, a massive savings account, a very particular career, the approval of my fellows, guarding my heart, manipulating others, societal status, etc … would fulfill my spirit’s needs. In that moment it was clear these things were not and would not satisfy my needs.
The only option was to turn within. It is SO loud in the quiet. The spirit speaks to ears that listen.
It said, “Look beneath your feet. Do I not support you every minute of every day? Is gravity itself not enough? I am holding you always. Life is a hug. Lay down and feel me embrace you. You could not possibly be more safe and secure. You are unlimited. Look around. Breathe. Have you ever asked for breath? I give and give … only for you to ask and ask. Sit. Look up. The sky is not falling. I give you all you will ever need.” I felt as though I was stepping out from a restrictive web I had unknowingly created.
New beliefs flooded into my being. That very day, my heart began to open. One day your heart will swallow the world and when that happens, your mind will stop and your heart will know. For the first time in my life I believed I was safe. I believed that life supported me. I believed these new beliefs were more than a lollipop. I believed that at the end of the day I would no longer be holding the stick.
The Driving Heart 